When Your Homeschooler Goes to College

Moms, it’s HARD to step back from homeschooling your child.

We made the homeschool journey to college and now I’m passing off the baton.

Being replaced (well - replaced in the educational facilitator role at least) is an odd feeling.

For the past 18 years I’ve had a front row seat to everything in her life. Now it’s time to start moving to the balcony.

So many times in the past few months I’ve had BIG revelations (which I’m also considering affirmations) about how homeschooling high school has prepared my child for this next step in her life.

When your homeschooler goes to college it is difficult on a mama’s heart - but also wonderful at the same time.

While I grieve the daily presence of my daughter, my heart rejoices at the young woman she is becoming, and I absolutely love watching her tackle this next phase of her life. As I watch her fly I KNOW we made the best educational choices for her.

When your homeschooler goes to college you will watch any homeschool doubts you had vanish into the past.

Hard Times in the Rearview Mirror

I was always very honest with you about some of the hard times we had throughout homeschooling.

In my daughter’s homeschooling years we watched my mother battle cancer and pass away. We moved my father into an Assisted Living center. We watched my father-in-law decline and pass away.

These things are HARD when you are a teenager. (They are hard when you are in your forties and raising a teenager.) We kept going with homeschool and stuck together as a family. We found comfort in being TOGETHER each day and not apart.

Many days I just wished I could enroll my children in school. We actually toured private schools when my daughter was at the end of seventh grade. It took me a while to understand that I had to follow my child through high school - let her take the lead.

Guess what? Those times are behind us now.

I look in the rearview mirror and see experiences that grew and changed us. As my daughter and I have been talking about these things she agrees. Do you know how much good that does a mama’s heart?

Confidence for the Future

Homeschooling gave my daughter some very specific skills that I am hopeful will serve her well in college:

• organization (the child uses a bullet journal to keep herself incredibly organized - much more organized than me!)

• communication skills (She knows how to speak to and email with adults - this is coming in very handy with her professors and advisor even before classes begin)

• social skills (ironic, huh? Because of her involvement with multiple age groups in high school, she is great at walking into new situations and meeting new people)

• money management (We made learning about money skills a priority - she has had her own checking account since the 9th grade and pays for everything on her own at this point. She understands how to transfer money, save money, and budget money. This is HUGE.)

• time management (She’s been managing her own schedule for two full years. I think this will help her transition to the “freedom” college will offer.)

Mom Begins A New Journey

As a child leaves the nest you will still be mothering. You will obviously, however, have more time.

This article spoke to my heart. Motherhood (being a homeschooling mom) is not my defining role.

I still have another child at home to educate, but he will be leaving home soon, too. My identity is in Christ - not in how or who I homeschool.d

(Plus, now I will be spending much more time on my SQUILT Music Appreciation Curriculum, which brings me great joy!)

And let me recommend the book Release My Grip - it has been a wonderful source of encouragement for me.

A New Relationship Begins

I am enjoying a new relationship with my daughter - one where I am NOT her teacher.

(Can you hear me rejoicing in that?)

I have loved homeschooling her, but now it’s just great to be her MOM. And even more wonderful is the development of a friendship.

My own mother and I shared a beautiful relationship, and I can see this taking place now with my daughter. I am so thankful.

Pay it Forward

I feel strongly about this.

I now have a responsibility to encourage and assist other homeschool moms in the trenches.

We need each other. We need the emotional support. We need the nitty gritty sharing of details on how to get to graduation with our homeschoolers.

If you have graduated a homeschooler, help someone else behind you. If you haven’t graduated someone yet, ask someone older than you for help.

(Have you joined my private Facebook group, Equipping Homegrown Learners? This is where I love to encourage people.)

The next time I write to you I will have delivered Anna to college. I can’t promise I won’t cry, but I will try and hold it together until we are in the car and making the drive home to Atlanta.

I remember my dad telling me that my mom cried the whole way home after they took me to college. I thought that was so silly.

I wish she was alive now so I could tell her I understand.

Moms, have faith. The homeschool journey is difficult, wonderful, messy, and joyful.

When our child gets to that next phase in their life I think you’ll see it’s all been worth it!

Three Books That Will Motivate You To Homeschool

A few books helped motivate me to homeschool. Once I read them I was CONVINCED this was the path for my children.

Every few years I revisit these books to fortify myself for the journey to come.

We must always remind ourselves why we are homeschooling.

What are our motives? How does traditional school fail the majority of children in our country, and why should we do everything in our power to keep our children out of that system?

What are the reasons homeschooling is the best alternative to traditional school?

If I could have only three education books on my shelves right now, the following would be there.

---

I have included something OLD, something NEW - and something TRIED and TRUE.

I’ve been at this for many years now, and read a lot of books. There are precious few that speak directly to my heart and soul.

WEAPONS OF MASS INSTRUCTION

This one (while I guess it probably spoke to my heart and soul) got me FIRED UP!

John Taylor Gatto doesn’t spare any feelings as he unveils the agenda behind compulsory schooling.

The aim of public education is not to fill the young of the species with knowledge and awaken their intelligence. . . Nothing could be further from the truth. The aim. . . is simply to reduce as many individuals as possible to the same safe level, to breed and train a standardized citizenry, to put down dissent and originality. That is its aim in the United States. . . and that is its aim everywhere else.

Warning: if you are a former public school teacher (as I am), or have children in public school this may be a very hard read.

Or, it just might make a lot of sense and will leave you feeling completely duped by a “system” you thought was designed in your best interest.

This book inspired me to homeschool when it was first published, and after my most recent read-through (this summer) it is giving me renewed vitality for homeschooling through high school with my youngest.

We’ve been having a healthy conversation about this book on my Instagram book account.

EDUCATION BY DESIGN, NOT DEFAULT

This book - something new - fell into my lap last spring. A friend of mine attended a ministry conference and told me she heard the author speak and that I needed to read a book she had written.

Since that time, I’ve been immersing myself in everything Janet Newberry puts out. Her book, podcast, and blog are all favorites.

Her very consistent message is this:

Childhood isn't a season of measuring up. It's a season of growing up.

What I love about Janet is that she comes from a background of public, private, and Charlotte Mason education. She has experience in all realms and mainly speaks to parents about what we need to do to live and learn in LOVE alongside our child - no matter which school environment we choose.

Her book speaks so beautifully to ALL parents. If we can come alongside our children in LOVE and HUMILITY, all things are possible in their education. Janet has convicted me that true education doesn’t stem from being better than someone else or having wonderful standardized test scores. True education happens in a loving relationship, where we can model for our children that love means doing something for the benefit of another.

Janet wrote a post for Homegrown Learners - The Joy of Raising Children Who Ponder - you’ll want to read that, too.

FOR THE CHILDREN’S SAKE

Finally, this book by Susan Schaeffer MacAulay found its way into my life eleven years ago as we began to contemplate homeschooling.

I devoured it in one day, sitting on the beach with my children playing around me. I remember being in tears, moved at the thought of the IMPACT I could make on their lives, and also convicted that I could not let another year pass by with my oldest attending public school.

We have been trained in our society to think that only experts can teach children. I didn’t realize how false this was until it was pointed out to me in this book:

"It isn't all as hard as the experts make out. We are human beings, persons, created to live. To have life more abundantly. Wonder together; grow together. Together share the struggles of knowing that we cannot perfectly follow God's law. We are fellow-pilgrims. We walk side by side as human beings under the love and authority of Him who made us."

I love thinking of myself walking side by side with my children. We are learning together. We are wondering together. It is a beautiful, precious gift.

image courtesy Little Book, Big Story

The biggest gift this book gave to me was the knowledge that all of life could be a learning experience. It helped me see education didn’t need to be put into a box; it didn’t need to be categorized into subjects. Education is everywhere, all the time.

For the Children’s Sake definitely is a Charlotte Mason book, but I believe (as I do with all of the books in this post) that it should be read by every parent.

Weapons of Mass Instruction: A Schoolteacher's Journey Through the Dark World of Compulsory SchoolingEducation by Design, Not Default: How Brave Love Creates Fearless LearningFor the Children's Sake: Foundations of Education for Home and School

Have you read any of these books?

Which one will you pick up first?

You might also like:

Homeschoolers, Stay in Your Own Lane

Five Ways to Encourage a Fellow Homeschool Mom