“I just want to be their mom, not their teacher!”
I can’t tell you the number of times I have made this statement (often through tears) to my husband or a friend. Oftentimes it is just plain HARD having the responsibility of being your child’s educational authority and also their parent.
Right now EVERYONE is finding themselves with the responsibility of their children’s education on their shoulders. Notice I didn’t say everyone is HOMESCHOOLING - because I have told you before: Please Stop Homeschooling the Children!
When I began homeschooling many years ago it took a good amount of time for us to make the adjustment - my daughter had to adjust to me being her “teacher”, and I had to adjust to trying to play two roles: mom and teacher.
I understand. Whether you are a veteran homeschooler or find yourself suddenly responsible for your child’s education right now - we all need to give ourselves and our children an abundance of grace and love.
Change Your Terminology and Your Thinking
The way we label and think about something matters. Let me suggest to you that you don’t call yourself your child’s TEACHER.
Especially if your children have been in traditional school for an extended period of time, the word “teacher” has a very specific meaning:
According to the dictionary, a teacher is:
one that teaches especially : one whose occupation is to instruct
When our children are at home with us and we are responsible for their education, we cannot call ourselves their teacher. I believe that depersonalizes us and (especially for children who have been used to traditional school) causes our children to view us in a certain way.
I quickly learned when we began homeschooling that recreating school at home didn’t work. I was NOT my child’s teacher - she had a teacher at her school and with that definition came certain expectations.
Please don’t consider yourself your child’s TEACHER. You are still their parent, and you are guiding them through their learning… which leads me to the next point.
There is Power in Modeling
Be the “Learner in Charge”.
One of the most effective things I did early on with my daughter was to sit with her sometimes while she did math - and I would do the same assignment at the same time. I wanted her to see that I was learning, too, and that I was willing to put in the work with her.
You must show your children there is value and purpose in what they are doing. Why would you ask them to do something you would not be willing to sit down and do yourself?
Having your children at home for their schooling won’t work if you just slap worksheets in front of them and make them sit alone to complete them. (I wouldn’t want to do that.) Sit with them, encourage them, offer an incentive (our favorite was always a little muffin cup of chocolate chips!).
Again, this doesn’t happen overnight. As the parent you must learn to be inquisitive and thoughtful - education cannot be an us vs. them mentality (which it often is in traditional school).
We are educating our children at home because we believe there is value in learning together, and value in learning beautiful things.
Kids Need Love and Acceptance
Please remember this. Especially now.
There have been times when I have thrown “school” out the window to focus on my children’s specifc emotional needs. When a grandparent has passed away or when times in our world are uncertain children don’t need schoolwork. They need security and love.
The inclination when someone makes a school “assignment” or when the curriculum suggests something is that we should complete it at all costs.
Please don’t make SCHOOL an idol. Your child’s hearts are much more important.
You would be amazed at how beneficial a day of just reading good books, doing art together, taking a nature walk, or cuddling up to watch movies, can be.
And if you are thinking right now, “Well, the school (or curriculum) says this HAS to be done,” I would suggest to you that YOU are the authority for your child. How will your child ever accept you as that authority if you’re not willing to exercise it?
Don’t Tie Punishments to Schoolwork
I learned my lesson with this early on. Issuing punishments when schoolwork isn’t completed just doesn’t work.
“No TV time unless you finish your math.”
“No special snack until you copy all 10 of these sentences.”
Or, here’s the worst one (especially for boy):
“You cannot go outside until you have finished all of your work!”
I know the temptation is strong to bribe our children into completing their schoolwork, but again - I urge you to look at the HEART behind why your child might be dragging their feet. Maybe simply sitting down next to them and encourage them will help. Or, maybe breaking the assignment into smaller steps will solve the problem.
You will find that your creativity increases exponentially the longer you have your children home with you. You WILL discover ways to motivate them, but please don’t attach punishments to incomplete schoolwork!
(And remember — read alouds cure so many ills - this is one of our all-time favorites for pre-teens/teens. I also have a page dedicated to reading with kids which can be helpful to you.)
Your Kids Have Assigned You a Role - Changing That Takes Time
This is the biggie. If your children have been in traditional school for a long time they are not going to view you as their educational authority right away. It is impossible and unfair to ask them for 100% compliance right away.
As I said before, relax. Maybe give yourself one big goal each day when it comes to schoolwork. If your child completes a math assignment well, call that day a success! If they read out loud to you for 30 minutes, call that day a success.
Your children are most likely mourning the loss of a school environment and adjusting to home. You are mostly likely mourning the loss of “free” time or time to work quietly while your children have been at school.
Grace, grace, and more grace.
